Jeff is simply trying to not go crazy by doing one thing at a time.

More fun with videos!

I've enjoyed blogging videos in the absence of actual blogs lately. So in case some of you haven't seen them, these were two commercials I was in about a year or so ago for BYU Independent Study.

Okay so I was a foot away from finishing "No Country..." when it disappeared. It just up and left. Grew legs and left me. Then today when I put the seat down on my toilet....AAAAAWWW!!!!(This was meant to sound like a heavenly choir).

It was good. I have to admit that the last 20 pages slowed down considerably which was similar to the movie. In the end however it was substantially better than most of the books I've read in the last few years, with the exception of "The Road".

Up next, I'm reading "The Terror" by Dan Simmons which so far seems great. I love historical stuff with fiction mixed in.

Watching "The Wire" - It's the last season, and I'm frustrated that...
1. It's over
2. My favorite character just got killed.
3. It's a little ludicrous for my tastes this season.

Video Post - For a Good Time

So the Quinn's and I made a video. I plan on posting a few more of these over the next few months, hopefully with the Quinn boys because they're cool...check out Ben's blog at TheUnmighty.com Also I HAVE to mention that the awesome music was done by Micah Dahl Anderson. His music seems to fit great with any video I've done, and I love it. Enjoy!

Wow...American Idol

I realize that this is the 10 millionth blog about American Idol...

So, I've been watching American Idol for some reason for the third or fourth season in a row, and been catching up tivo style. I'm constantly amazed at the audition process, and how unabashedly cruel it is. Today they not so subtly disguised their "freak exploitation" as a hallmark moment with a large girl named "Temptress" who plays football as a middle linebacker, and her (I say this without exaggeration) at least 800 pound mother in a wheel chair. From the very start it was obviously not going to go well. They then proceed to go on for SEVERAL minutes to highlight her and her courageous attitude, and then of course she is an AWFUL singer! They all like her as a person, and in an attempt to appear down to earth, all the human-like judges hug her (Simon not included, though he is the most accurate judge most of the time).
Then they literally go on for 10 minutes about a super freak named Willem Dafoe...I mean Alexis, who is what Satan would be as written by Neil Simon.

We sit through...
-An obviously mentally handicapped tour guide.
-The chest waxing, freaky Jabba's palace princess Leia clad loser.
-The girl who doesn't watch "R" Rated movies?!
-The older far dorkier sister of Ellen Page, also dressed as Princess Leia.

This girl is seriously one of the most interesting case studies of extreme nerd-ism I've ever seen. She goes into the audition dressed like a character from Star Wars and then says "I knew they wouldn't accept me." Talk about your "self fulfilling nerd prophecies". Truly the force is with her.

Honestly the producers could come up with a show called "Fun With Aspergers" and I would not be surprised. It's not fun anymore. And yet the show becomes something else after the auditions. Till then it's this generations' Jerry Springer.

Oh and Ryan Seacrest is such a toolbag!



Next Blog...A movie review and another book review. My reading is out of control, and I want pancakes...yay!

Books, and crotch rockets

I finished "The Road" in three days. For me that is very fast. It took me three days to read my last book "Things Fall Apart", but that was because I had to for a class. It takes me about 2 to 3 weeks to read a book I really like. Even that is a rare case. For example it took me about 2 to 3 months to read "The Lovely Bones" and "Heartbreaking Work..." which are both books I totally loved, and was compelled by. Why did it take SO long? I don't know. But "The Road", to totally use a cliche' phrase was hard to put down. I'm done. His style was amazing. It was so good that I can't give a proper review for it.

When I finished. I just wanted to write. I found myself pouring phrases from my subconscious into the roof above my mouth, stored there to yell out.

I want to write so bad; write now. It's as if someone pulled the cork out of my chest to let words spill out like grain from a silo. I haven't written in so long, but a great book can inspire you.

I'm still reading "Gangs of New York", but my interest is waining. It's like the same thing over and over. The "Dead Rabbit Gang fought The Bowery Boys fought the...blah blahs." Maybe I need to push through. Some books are like rigorous mountain hikes. Also still reading "I Am Legend". Some of the stories are amazing and ahead of their time, but others are a tad cheesy.

Today two days after finishing, I wanted to be utterly pretentious and soak in the atmosphere of fine book smell so I went to Barnes and Noble. But it smelled like burning tires. There were kids everywhere yelling in different languages! When did Barnes and Noble become such a kid's clubhouse? I am not opposed to the learning of children, but these kids weren't learning and then the lady on the loudspeaker announced that they'd just finished baking oatmeal raisin cookies in the coffee clatch (or whatever you call it) and then all the children turned to ravenous drooling autobots (forgive the mixed metaphor). "Mom I want cookies!" "Why can't have I cookies?" It's like some twisted cartoon character threw an alarm clock in a den of lions, awakening them from their cookie-less slumber, and I in the middle. I nearly sustained two or three "crotch runnings into". You know the blind direction-less crotch level battering rams of cranium to groin?

The real reason I went to the bookstore however was to buy "No Country For Old Men" and another book called "Twilight" (no not the book about vampires by that Mormon author lady). It's by William Gay and I've heard it's cool. Well, they didn't have it. "No Country..." was a must after reading "The Road" and I couldn't stop thinking about it after it won the Oscar last night. I'm downloading it right now.
I will probably finish it in about 2 days.

This hurts me...

Not quite because he broke it, but more importantly because somehow he had the money to buy it which allowed it to be broken in the future.

Anyway..."An almost tragic story."

What is it with Murphy's Law anyway?

It must be fate this week that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But when you drive and try and eat nachos at the same time I guess that's what happens.

Self-Indulgence

My friend Matt describes my blog in the past as self-indulgent...I think he might be replying to the more self-serious entries I've made. Come back Matt. I'm a changed man. Though still totally self-indulgent. What do you think?

More Video-Madness

UFC commercials

Add to My Profile | More Videos
These are unmixed versions,(i.e the sound sucks) But I think they had potential in their day.

"Today's Pain" brought to you by Doritos!

So I've had an interesting two days. I don't spend much time in cemeteries, but I spend even less time in them eating copious amounts of Doritos.
I came home from California early, to film a "spec" commercial on Tuesday for this huge nationwide contest. It was a funny script about a guy who is mourning the loss of someone he loves, (actually when I write that it doesn't seem all that funny) and his grief is intermittently disrupted by his eating of Doritos (okay now it is).

It's dark comedy I know.

Anyway to accomplish this feat me and the other guy in the commercial had to eat about three bags (full size mind you) of Doritos. At least for the first two and a half bags they were "Cool Ranch" as opposed to the last half bag which was all "Salsa Verde". Usually I'm a big fan of the spicy but not at that particular moment. By the time we were done our mouths were raw, and there were half-eaten Dorito bits strewn about the cemetery(we cleaned almost all of them up out of respect for the departed). It didn't help matters that we were constantly glared at by those who were visiting driving by in their cars. It was perhaps in the top five of my most awkward moments. Anyway, as I stood atop the graves of pioneers and other long lost relatives eating snack foods, I couldn't help but become pensive about life and its' meaning. My mind thought about two things:

1) There's nothing scary about a cemetery (rhyme's unintended, though cute). These people are all happy in heaven, or unhappy in hell(or spirit prison depending on your beliefs). They're not here! It reminded me of a poem.

2) If the above isn't true, and ghosts do exist, I'm going to be haunted by angry corn chip hating spirits for the next 40 years.

I'll post the commercials when they're done. In the meantime I'll be sleeping with a Holy Bible clutched to my chest.


PS. Also, yesterday I was on a commercial shoot in Miller Park in Salt Lake City helping film a nearly naked man who had eaten a house cat. I love the diversity of this business.

Hear this...The Bird and the Bee

Okay so watch this. I'm used to being scooped on music selection, by my hipper 'East Coastier' friends, and this is probably no exception. Just watch this video though. It's directed by Eric Wareheim one of the guys who makes "Tim and Eric: Awesome Show, Great Job!" which is a delightfully weird, and often "too disturbing to turn away from" show.

This band though is to use a critic word "hypnotic" (but neither "tense" nor "gripping"), and this video is like an exciting car wreck.


I'm pretty sure I'm in love with the lead singer. Look how deadpan she is in this video! If she were that way all the time, I would be turned off, but I did my research, and luckily it's just this video.

Also, after you've watched the video three or four times, download the album (legally, of course through Itunes) and just listen to the words. They make me laugh. She's discussing "getting down!", but at the same time she's so cordial about it. I get it!

I think from 2:54 on is my favorite!

This song is also quite cool

"Things Fall Apart"

I've been wanting to write about stuff I've been reading, watching and listening to lately.

I recently finished reading a book for a history class I'm taking called "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe. It disturbed me. It's about a tribe in turn of the century Nigeria, and the changes they go through as they are invaded by Christian missionaries. I say "invaded" because that is essentially what they do. Just real aggressive.
It made me feel judgmental at first because all I was doing was judging how horrible a lot of the practices and customs of the tribe in the book were. I guess the thing I didn't like was how the author seemed not to condemn or condone their behavior.

What kind of a dummy am I?

What good would an author be if he commented on his own book?

I guess the practices, things like throwing away twins when they're born, and convincing children that they are "zombies", were so disturbing that I was looking for a friend to agree with me, and the author was committed to his storytelling technique so he was no help. Then midway through the book I realized that I'm glad he was so committed, and did not show bias, because when all of their customs and rituals are
corrupted by the white missionaries, you feel a part of your own world has been destroyed.

I didn't know how to feel at the end. I was angry and sad. I think Achebe accomplished what he set out to do.

It certainly changed my outlook, which I believe good books are supposed to do.


I would recommend it. Just press through passed the scary stuff at the beginning.

NEXT BOOK ON MY LIST:
'The Road' By Cormac McCarthy.
I chose this at the airport today instead of 'No Country For Old Men', which I'd been previously set on buying, because I wanted to read a new story that I had no preconceived notions about. Lately I've had trouble reading books based on movies, most of which I bought on the spur of the moment, because I liked the films they were based on so much (See 'The Prestige' by Christopher Priest). Something about going over the same territory again. I'll buy No Country in a few weeks when I finish 'Road". I'm surprised I bought this one, because I know it's post-apocalyptic, and today I was feeling gloomy about returning to frozen tundra land (i.e. Utah), and it doesn't seem like to much of a "sunny story" we'll see. What's my obsession with depressing stories? I'm sure all my artsy and Oprah loving friends already read this after it won the Pulitzer, and the tenfold more coveted prize "THE Book Club Recommendation". Sad. Let's just hope James Frey isn't involved.

OTHER BOOKS I'M CURRENTLY READING - 'I Am Legend', a collection of Short Stories by Richard Matheson, including the novella for the recent film. I picked up this book because I loved how creepy and yet delightfully campy 'The Omega Man' was for me growing up, (Andy you know!) and I'd heard good things about Matheson. I'm pleased to say that some of his stories are delightfully messed up.(See "Dress of White Silk" or something along those lines.) Reminds me of Bradbury only on bad mushrooms, which is kind of cool if you think about it. Don't do drugs kids!

Also reading 'Gangs of New York', which I've owned for about 4 years now, and finally got bored and started reading one night. I love 19th and early 20th century city history, so it's right up my alley. I'm pleased to say it's nothing like the movie.

One morning I woke up on fire.
Now I am a monk in reverse
burning only after I become free
So committed to a cause that I'd live for it.

Distractions

I find it interesting that the crack team of security people at the Salt Lake Airport held up the line to search my bag to remove the toothpaste I had accidentally stowed in my bag, and while doing so failed to find the 8 inch box cutter that I had also accidentally put in there. NO JOKE! I had been using it to cut up dry wall, and somehow it ended up in my bag. WHAT? What else is getting through?

Return - An old story I wrote

By Jeff Blake - needs some revision
Originally posted in Jeff's writing blog "Writer's Cramp" @ 2:03 AM on 8/2/05

I’ve seen a real smile before. Maybe four times on her lips, and more importantly in her eyes; but just those four times. She fakes an average smile a dozen times a day, with her teeth barely showing, and her eyes wide open.
Something has always been wrong with her face since we’ve been together. A trace of something shameful, and older, but more fragile than wise. She tries to hold this look back, as if she did something stupid that needs hiding. I’ve seen that look on her face, like she reached for her car keys and pricked her finger on that thumbtack she stupidly put in her pocket an hour earlier. She doesn’t want me to know. That look hits her in the face a thousand times more often than she smiles. That’s not the look she was meant to live with Trent.

I say to him “Rachel knows how to smile, Trent.” His young eyes, still sweaty and nervous, can’t make the connection…

They grew up in the Midwest. Her Mom loved her Dad, but he couldn’t match it. She loved him too much to notice the changes gradually taking place inside her son Trent; prematurely in her daughter Rachel. They were growing too fast. Trent had a curiosity that grows quick inside every boy like chutes of ivy. Somewhere the vines grew poisoned, and twisted in his head.

Rachel was rather plain. She rode horses, and wrote stories. They were simple stories, mostly about horses. One day the stories changed.

She didn’t know why he crept into her room and couldn’t let her sleep at night, or why the bed was not big enough for her and for his hands. She didn’t know why she came to hate herself, and her own small body, or why there were no more horse stories.

She is here with me now, sitting on a couch with her hands on me.

“I love you” she says to me.

I want to love her back, but inside, her mind belongs to someone or some thing else. I want to love her free.
Finally she tells me, and I see what’s been a hold of her. It’s both a torture and release. Now I’m holding. I feel trust and memories of pain. I can’t hold her close enough, yet I’m afraid that I’ll crush her. Her Dad doesn’t know. Mom doesn’t know. After a long while she smiles at me; a real one. I give her only my open eyes. She says she is going to be alright. I know that every time she sees him though, it’s like tearing at a wound. Like we share the same nerves, I share the pain now too, like it happened to me. I can’t let it go.

The months have twisted around inside me. She seems happier but a remnant of that old look still remains. Mom calls, and I hear the look in her voice. She’s telling Rachel what Trent is up to, even though he lives in this same town.
That very night, as I check my watch and drive I think about what I heard earlier on the television. It said we are a “culture obsessed with death.” It couldn’t be truer than now. It’s all I can think about,

I don’t think Trent ever knew that I was there. He didn’t see me coming. Why would he expect it after seven years of hiding? He walks into the parking lot, and it is dark. I rush into him like an errant grocery cart. The thin blade makes quite a dent in his shiny façade. It will look like a robbery. He flails his feet at me.
Kick me. Go on kick me Trent. After some time I’m pressed against him and he stops. I hold him now. Then there are my last words to him before his eyes go.

I say to him “Rachel knows how to smile Trent.” His old eyes still sweaty and nervous don’t make the connection…until the last moment before he’s gone.

Simplify Man!

So I've decided that I had too many blogs. I had three different movie ones, and other random ones. In the interest of making life easier I put all of my old entries, advice column stuff, movie reviews etc into this blog. All movie reviews in the future will also go to this blog. Also my "serious" writing blog, Writer's Cramp will now be a part of my main blog "Deceptive Small Cars". My totally non-serious advice column once called "A Cry for Help" now known as "Fill in the Blake" and featured monthly in Square Magazine can be found on "TheSquareLife.com" and will also be reprinted here each month. Yay for slightly more simplicity!

Entry #1 - 11-2-07

Hey there! Today is the first day of my Blog experiment. Let's see what I have in a month!

New Blogs of Note

My passion is writing. Also my passion is not saying "my passion" anything, because it's pretentious. But anyway, starting November 2nd, I've challenged myself to make a small entry on each of these 4 blogs for 31 days in a row. Check out the results on each of these blogs below.

Deceptive Small Cars - Jeff's essays on life little foibles.

Jeff's Journal - The place where Jeff writes down what's going in his life
(So you don't have to actually talk to him)

Jeff's Journey in Film - A Vlog and Blog about Jeff's experiences in film and TV production.

Ridges, A Novel Online by Callum Raymond (It's a long story...I mean the name thing).