Thursday, September 15, 2005

Another Rant: A cliche and cautionary tale of man vs. machine.

Violent crime is down and this is a good thing.
But what price do we pay for this new found peace?
We don't talk to each other anymore. We don't say "hello" walking down the street. We don't mug or drive-by shoot each other anymore because we are listening to our Ipods, or we're on the phone.

Sure, there is still crime, but where is the common touch? Remember when nerds were thugs and they perfected stealing your wallet by bumping into you or flatout holding you at gunpoint? Now they sit at home and look for ways to steal credit card numbers on the net, or just for the heck of it they write Spyware programs to drive you crazy with the clicking of electronic mice.

And it's not just the criminals. I've lost the flare for mean spirited exhibition too people. The other day I almost got in an accident, because this guy was too busy talking on his phone to notice he was drifting into my lane. I was going to flip him off but it was too late...I was thwarted as a really good Death Cab For Cutie song came on and carried me away into the magical world of Ipod mirth. Sure, this machinery caused me to take the higher ground, but I felt robbed of the small explosion of unchecked agression.

I wonder if we'll get to the point where no one talks to each other in person anymore. We have video phones, and text messaging. Why walk a block to your friend's house down the street when you can spend 10 minutes improving your thumb callouses turning M's into O's or Q's into R's texting "How r u doing?" to Marcy whom you haven't seen in 3 weeks. She's been playing Halo2 online you see, and is now adverse to sunlight. Remember in the Matrix where machines became our masters, and we all live in little pods with white skin, and tubes scarring up our backs? Well how is it different with windows drawn and couch buttons leaving indents in our spines instead?

Soon we will live in a utopian society. There will be no crime, and there will be no war. People will be too busy taking their frustrations out on imaginary aliens on their XBOX, and listening to the latest rare out of print Grant Lee Buffalo song they downloaded for free on Limewire last night. Our relationships skills will fail too. We won't develop the need for gleaming interpersonal conversation skills because we'll have 20 seconds between instant messages to think of the next witty thing to say. It will all sound like movie dialogue.

Speaking of movies, you can see it in the Ipod zombies strut as they walk to class. They think they're the star of their own motion picture. They begin to see themselves in establishing shots, and extreme close-ups. The music fades to an underlying hum as the sound of their own coming of age ridden voice-over fills their heads...

"I'm Johnny and this is my story. It all started on my way to Art History class..."

The Ipod is like the drug in a Brave New World, but Soma becomes Sade' singing Smooth Operator and soothing jangled nerves right into oblivion.
"Forget about the stress of that upcoming trig test man. It's all good! Hey listen to this imported Dashboard song."
Wake up hippie! You're being brainwashed into a false sense of calm.

It's just like that once vicious bully in Junior High who discovered marijuana his sophomore year, and became the chillest person you know. Sure he's more laid back, and he won't pound your face in, but you don't feel that he's really himself anymore.

There is no growth without opposition. Greatness is born in strife. The backbone of this country was built on Orphanages and Juvenile Halls. A place where the youth of our future find out what they're truly made of. Why? Because they've held up a liquor store, they've beaten a kid for his lunch money. Everyone's becoming a sensitive artist trapped in the mind numbing tractor beam of their own LCD screens. We've got to think about our nations' future. We can't rely on sun starved emo kids, to write our history. So throw away your Ipods, put down your cell phones, start honking at people when they cut you off, and God bless America.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I always get hurt

Today was not a good day. I opened up a Snapple excitedly because it said on the cap in capital letters LOOK UNDER CAP! WIN INSTANTLY. Now normally I wouldn't get excited, but that exclamation point at the end broke down my defenses. It sounded like a promise! WIN INSTANTLY! Nothing waivered. No "you COULD win."

Well let me tell you something. I DIDN'T WIN (exclamation point). It said "SORRY, not a winner" and while I did appreciate the "sorry" in capital letters, it said after that "DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, TRY AGAIN!" What is that? Can you believe that? Well no Snapple! I'm not going to! You've beaten me. Are you HAPPY? I just can't trust you anymore! Using exclamation points so carelessly! No, I'm not going to try again, because that would be doing you a favor. That would be playing your game. Not me.
"Do yourself a favor"?
That is just like you to say something like that! Making it sound like I'm helping myself out when all I'm doing is serving your own selfish liquid desires.
You liar Snapple! You are a liar!

You did give me a fun "Real Fact"...under the "sorry" you told me about how "sound travels faster in water than it does in air", and this WAS after you already said I guess I can't be too mad at you.
Look...I've been really stressed out lately. Work has been hard and I think...well, I think I said some things I didn't mean. I didn't mean to take my frustrations out on the people and beverages that I care about. I think in the end we were both wrong. Can't we just forget the whole thing?
I said I was sorry.
You're so STUBBORN!
And that's why I love you.
I love you so much snapple.
I was wrong, and I'm sorry.
Look...maybe this will help.
"Did you know that the tin cannister, or can, was invented in 1810 by Londoner Peter Durand?"
Are we cool now Snap?
Call me okay?
Or...I'll call you. Is your number still 1-800-Snapple?

Sept 8th 2005

Thursday, September 01, 2005

These are just some thoughts written really quickly about what's been happening lately. Sorry if I sound so serious.