Monday, December 25, 2006

Monday, December 25, 2006

Everyday at FedEx Kinkos is the new worst day of my life...

Saturday, December 09, 2006


Saturday, December 09, 2006

Originally posted my other blog, A Cry for Help - A weekly advice blog.

"Wants To Be Funny" of Internet Land writes...

"Dear Cry For Help,

If girls like guys that are funny, why do a lot of funny guys I know not get any girls? Should I keep trying to be funny so that girls like me, or is it just not worth the effort? :)"

Dear "Wants To Be Funny",

The following is a response I am obligated by the state of Kentucky and its' governing bodies to submit to you:
"Girls like guys who can be themselves, and are not trying to put on a show for them...So just be yourself."

GREAT! Now that we've gotten that "legal mumbo jumbo" out of the way I'll give you the real answer to your question. Here it is:
Girls like a guy who will do ANYTHING that they can to impress them, and this usually means being funny!
It's simple... Ya gotta want it! Do whatever you can!
Wear a funny mask on a date. Try out impressions or accents that you're not good at in front of them. If these don't have their intended effect, carry a small joke book in your pocket that contains hilarious material. Here are a few examples that have worked wonders for me...

Example 1:
-How does the queen bee get around her hive?
...Give up?
-She's THRONE.
Example 2:
- Why is honey so scarce in Boston?
...Give up?
-Because there's only one "B" in Boston?

If you should find yourself in a major lull in conversation at dinner pull one of these timeless gems out and away you go. You'll soon be knee dip in hugs and kisses...
(Authors note...they shouldn't all be "Bee Jokes". That was just the only joke book I had around me at the time.)
What? That's not working? Well have you thought of buying a funny t-shirt with a clever saying on it like:

"I'm only wearing black till they come up with something darker"
"As a matter of fact the world does revolve around me!"

That last one makes me giggle. But think about it. A T-Shirt makes a definite statement about who you are and where you're going! Here are some more examples that are equally good.

Oh here's another good one. Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite? If not ...Buy it...Watch it...MEMORIZE IT!...try and work it into conversation. This shall be your bible. For example if your date says...

-"So what are you doing tomorrow night?"
(respond thusly)
-"What ever the freak I want to do...(now this part is important. Be sure to throw your head to the side in a rapid fashion while squinting your eyes and finish off with a hearty)

Let me tell you, I know from past experience that chicks love it when you use someone else's material as your own. Other resources might be Simpson's quotes...explaining your favorite scene from "Family Guy" in detail (especially if they haven't seen it), or even funny songs. Hello, I have just two words for you. WEIRD...AL!
Babes love it!

Still not funny? Well I don't know what to tell you. Try HARDER...ALOT HARDER. This is just stuff that has worked for me! And do I seem lonely? HA!

One more thing. In response to your comment about guys who are funny not getting girls well it's pretty obvious...THEY'RE NOT ATTRACTIVE!
Now go get em tiger!!!

"A Cry For Help"

Submit your questions to Jeff at "", or at his blog on MySpace. Be sure to give yourself a name, like "So Desperate He Would Date a Robot"...or "Lonely in Provo".

Friday, December 08, 2006

Ask Jeff

Go ahead...ask me for advice. I need some new writing material.