Author’s Note: I would just like to state for the record, that I know you’re not going to think this post is funny, because I know you’re going to think that I’m trying too hard to be cool, by not being cool, and that’s just not hip...to you. Not to me necessarily.
-The Author
So, I meant to write this post awhile ago, but I couldn’t think of anything clever, modern or witty to write about. I was trying to write something cool and meaningful, but then I decided that nothing I would write about is even that great.
Even trying to write this post, I found that the theme of it had already been conceived before it came into my head. I know that like 8,000 people have already thought of writing a piece like this, but then didn’t, because they were just basing their idea off of this trite article that this wannabe nobody had already written based on a Gore Vidal piece that he was inspired to write after reading a novella by Kurt Vonnegut, and just kind of twisted it around until it sounded new. But it wasn’t. Not even then.
On a side note, I can’t believe I said “Kurt Vonnegut”. A ton of people would have thought of referencing Kurt Vonnegut. I should have said someone way more obscure, like Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa. Very few people know about Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa. I know, because I typed in “obscure writers” into the google search bar and his name popped up like a million times.
I am a little worried that this writing might come off as a bit elitist and self-important, but I SO don’t care what other people think about it. They might consider it hard to crack, or too meta, and that is basically what I’m going for. I wanted to create something so meta, that it’s not even meta anymore. I’d consider it post-modern meta-ism, or meta post-modernism. I love when people use terms like “meta” and “post-modernism” because I feel like those people have NO idea what they’re even talking about. Isn’t that funny? Whatever.
So, anyway, I hope that you get what I’m trying to do here. At the same time, if you don’t get what I’m trying to do, then it’s probably just not for you. I mean, it’s definitely not for everyone. But then again, if it was for everyone, than I probably wouldn’t even be interested in it, along with like two-thirds of the population. If everyone in society “got it” then what’s the point of even writing it? Writing has never been for everyone.
Also, I feel like the hardest part is that I’m really writing this from my point of view. Write what you know, right? But that’s kind of foolish on my part. People don’t really get where I’m coming from, because they haven’t lived my life, or walked my journey, so writing this would mostly be for me. But no one really knows me. In fact no one really knows anyone. Anyone will tell you that. But everyone says that. It's so cliché.
I think I might be going for "absurdism" with this piece, but I really want to ask you, or ask myself really, since you’re not even reading this, what absurdism even means? I don’t really need your help. I mean, I’m pretty sure I can figure it out for myself. I’ve heard of google. That was sarcasm. You’ve heard of sarcasm haven’t you? No, I sincerely want to know. I’m not being facetious.
I’m joking.
I think my biggest problem with this essay is that you might think it’s too sincere. That is something that a lot of people have a problem with these days. They think people are writing stuff that’s too genuine and cheesy. Sincerity has become the new sarcasm, and I definitely don’t want to write something like that. I’d rather write something from the heart, that they can really run with. But even if that doesn’t play with them, then I’m pretty sure I’m going to be okay. I’m not out to please them.
Who are “they” anyway?
I’m just about ready to wrap this up. I was going to have my girlfriend read it, to tell me if she thought it was good, but then I thought, no, she’ll think it’s trying too hard. But then again, what does she know? She’s not a writer. Actually I should be totally honest and say that she’s not my girlfriend, she’s my wife, but I was afraid you wouldn’t think I was cool if I was married.
In all honesty, I’m not even married. I just made that up to sound like I was more relatable.
In the end I hope no one even reads this. It’s too self-aware, and I don’t really want to put my heart out on my sleeve and let everyone know who I am. At the same time though, this is me. This is how I do things, and if you can’t deal with it, than maybe you shouldn’t even be reading this.
I am actually married.
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